It's all make believe, isn't it?

ivil_livi @ 2009-05-11T21:09:00

2009-05-12T01:14:40Z

when i get married...i want to be wearing this...or something like it...

ivil_livi @ 2009-04-30T18:33:00

2009-04-30T22:36:21Z

i can't get a loan

I can't find a place to live

I can't find a room mate

My boss just called me a bitch

I just got dumped over text message by someone I REALLY liked...

God damnit, nothing goes right for me

ivil_livi @ 2009-03-21T01:35:00

2009-03-21T05:51:47Z

i love my job. I love my job.

I hate some of the people I work with

I go massively out of my way for everything in that store and what do I get in return?

I get made fun of, i get lied to, I get to be under appreciated and I get to be walked all over.

Off the clock I made 50 cupcakes for our twilight party tonight...bought everything myself. No thank you.

I ran around getting prizes and decorations...no thank you.

I worked my ass of setting this all up, advertising it...i get kicked off of working the event because an associate was "going to show up anyways". Then, I'm told by my district manager that I need to go and take pictures and be there...but it ends up i don't get paid for being there.

I was on vacation and I walked up to our shift manager and asked if the special orders for that week had been done and he goes "yeah yeah of course!"...they weren't

We're only allowed to rent out 2 movies (supposed to be 1, my manager didn't like the "2" idea but got used to it)...that same guy took out 4. I told him he could only take out two and he goes "yeah yeah two...whatever..." and walks away

I've told my store manager about this and he just doesn't say nor do anything about any of it

We had a twilight prom theme and the associates were supposed to dress up kinda nice. I wore a pencil skirt, leopard print top, pink shoes and a flower in my hair (kinda pin-upy) and the shift manager walks in and goes "uh...i don't think the vampires wore flowers..." I just looked at him and ignored him

We were struggling for prizes and I got the idea to get the movie of Wuthering Heights which is a book that Bella reads in twilight, that same guy that lied to me before....rolled his eyes and laughed at me. Another associate joined in...

I've put in a note to my district manager asking for a transfer...anywhere. Preferably marietta. So if i get it, I can go to chatt tech and do cosmetology there and live in Kennesaw like I want to.

I'm so annoyed, burnt out and frustrated i just want to move so far away from here (kennesaw is as far as I can get) and just stay away. Tell everyone here to fuck off...especially that store.

You think you make friends and you don't...Samantha from next door turned 21...i thought we were friends, I thought we were kinda close. She went out with a lot of people...i didn't get invited. Her and Chris, another guy from Gamestop that I thought i was kinda close with go out drinking all the time and hang out all the time....they always run to me and tell me about it later and never invite me.

Am I that deplorable? Is it not these other people and is it me?

I wish I knew...

Because if i'm so awful...thats probably why i'm not dating or why I'm still sleeping with my ex instead of finding someone else...

I would like to solve this, please

ivil_livi @ 2009-02-26T00:32:00

2009-02-26T05:38:23Z

i'm dropping out of the college i'm in and not going to kennesaw.

Instead i'm going to a technical school (lanier or chattahooche) for cosmetology. Its a great creative outlet and I like fucking around with hair.

Teaching isn't for me. College isn't for me.

Maybe one day, if i get good enough, i'll open my own salon! Make it all retro and what not :p

ivil_livi @ 2009-02-18T00:06:00

2009-02-18T05:14:38Z

things i want to do:

-learn italian
-how to make resign bangles, totes and numerous other crafts
-decide whats going on with school
-take some time for myself
-have movie nights again, but do foreign films and classics that I love
-fully transition into vegetarian, rather than sticking to poultry
-eat healthier
-kick my addiction to coffee back into smoothies
-get clothes that I love and fit me and look good on me, not just what's cheap. (15 dollar jeans do not look good on heavy set girls)
-discover that I am fine the way I am

ivil_livi @ 2009-02-13T22:30:00

2009-02-14T03:32:56Z

hundreds of dollars in therapy can go suck itself.

NOTHING can make me feel better than completely redoing my hair

ivil_livi @ 2009-02-08T11:07:00

2009-02-08T16:12:35Z

three guys...all who went one one or two dates with me...all which don't want to go on another.

One of them even called me batshit crazy last night.

mom gave tabi and dani 25 dollars each to watch eric last week. when they didn't come over they gave both the 50 dollars to me. I went out and I used it to help purchase rock band so eric and I could play with something this week. Mom flipped her shit and I promptly had to write her a check for 50 dollars and i had to take it out of the savings i'm doing for rooming at Kennesaw because i couldn't scrape it for anything else

around christmas, danielle told me I was "average". An average student, person and even implied that I was an average artist....nothing extraordinary. Since then I haven't painted a thing or done any art outside of my sculpture class.

Fuck things that give happiness. they always seem to disappoint.

ivil_livi @ 2009-01-24T01:18:00

2009-01-24T06:20:18Z

i got my lip pierced today.

I figured I always wanted it and i have like...what...4 more years to get a professional job? Why not enjoy it until then :p

ivil_livi @ 2009-01-14T03:33:00

2009-01-14T03:34:21Z

alot of people are getting married, or having babies....its really weird to see this all happening to people my age. Everyone is growing up

ivil_livi @ 2008-12-24T01:40:00

2008-12-24T06:42:07Z

nothing good has happened to me since october...

then there was Jeremy...which promptly ended because of his "emotional unavailability"

i swear to god, if i end up losing my job now for some reason...i will crawl into a hole and never come out.

I swear it

ivil_livi @ 2008-12-19T13:54:00

2008-12-19T18:55:23Z

you know what? if you don't want all of me, you can't just have part of me

You can't just keep the part you want and pretend the other part doesn't exist.

Thats not fair to me.

ivil_livi @ 2008-12-08T00:42:00

2008-12-08T05:43:18Z

I REALLY WANT A PENCIL SKIRT , DAMNIT

ivil_livi @ 2008-11-23T00:53:00

2008-11-23T06:00:57Z

so it didn't work out between Jim and I.

I started the realize that the only reason I was still with him was because I was lonely...

Now that he's gone, that feeling has not gone away.

I'm so far away from everyone I can ever consider to be a friend. I come home and everyone is facing a computer screen. All i do...is go home, sleep, go to work, and do it all over.

I've been going to the movies by myself lately....just for entertainment.

I also realized that I haven't been pushing to move out (even though i'm dying to...) because if I did, i'd lose the slightest amount of social interaction that I currently have.

So i sit here in my thoughts. It makes me miss Jim, and sad that the only reason I miss him was because he was every bit of social interaction I had these past 8 or so months. I still text him from time to time even though I shouldn't just to talk to someone.

I've been through so much these past few months...all I want are people to make me forget about all of it. But if I sit here, alone, all of that bad stuff keeps coming back.

This is by far, the most pathetic thing you will ever read. And I apologize

ivil_livi @ 2008-11-13T12:16:00

2008-11-13T17:26:37Z

I'm all registered for school again! I'm only going on Tuesday and Thursdays because I need a full work week. I'm taking:

Art History 2
Poli Sci
History
Astronomy

I originally had comparative religion in there as well, but dropped it because i needed some time to do homework and stuff and five classes would overwhelm me. Driving to the marta station is 30 minutes anyways and then 30 more minutes on marta to get there. Its an hour commute but I made the choice to go to a good school and commute an hour or a crappy school and commute 30 minutes. Plus, I'm moving up 400 hopefully this fall....if I can find a room mate.

A customer said the second meanest thing anyone has ever said to me yesterday. My manager, Lindsey, is being transfered to the mall of georgia store, mall of georgia guy goes to duluth, and we get the duluth guy. There is a long winded explination to this...i don't want to get into it. But we had a customer come in and ask where Lindsey was so I told him the news and this is what he said...

"No offense to you, but Lindsey is a beautiful girl...and beauty and sex sells. If she leaves, this store will lose all of that appeal"

Said this to my face. He was there for 10 more minutes just talking about the store and the entire time I wanted to tell him how rude that was to say to me that I wasn't beautiful or sexy....this I know, but me saying it to myself is a lot different than someone saying it to me. I was not all that happy.

But I'l be so happy to be in school again...this new guy starts on monday so I feel like I'l be walking on eggshells for two weeks. How retarded is it that they are dropping someone into an unknown store a week before the biggest sale of the year? Ugh. Corporations piss me off....

ivil_livi @ 2008-11-02T12:50:00

2008-11-02T17:59:47Z

there was this guy, Shawn. He was the sweetest man I've met and he wanted to be with me. I said yes but then less than 24 hours later...broke it off. Closed that door completely. Because I kept finding myself looking at Jim's picture and crying.

I texted Jim and demanded that he see me. I went over there at midnight last night...for five hours we had the best sex we've had and just curled up with each other...talked, cried....everything. We both still love each other so much...we both miss each other so much.

I told him that I wanted him back, but I can't take him back as is. He needs to change a lot of things:

-delinquency
-living situation
-school situation
-and he needs to consider my feelings more

....we'll see if he does.

I feel pitiful. Like...love is causing me back into a bad situation. But being curled up with him last night, smiling, laughing....that felt like home. His skin felt like home to me.

ivil_livi @ 2008-10-24T16:45:00

2008-10-24T21:07:28Z

so i went over to his house today to give him back his 64 and get my money. We sat and talked for two hours. I spent the time telling him everything I've been feeling, that he checked out of the relationship a long time ago and he said he he just "got too comfortable". We both cried some, talked a lot, and then made an agreement: we still would like to stay friends. So we made a date for the 25th of November, which give us both time to cool off and step back from this relationship but not too much time. We were going to the high museum for the terracotta warriors....but with a group. He'll bring two friends. I'll bring two.

I'm still trying to determine if thats a good idea.

I know what will happen. We'll see each other once...maybe once next year...and never again.

That saddens me.

ivil_livi @ 2008-10-22T02:20:00

2008-10-22T06:32:31Z

so he's gone. No longer in a relationship.

We were having an argument through text messages because he was at work. The store he works at closes at midnight...so since he didn't text me after that time I hoped he would call me. When he didn't call, I got my hopes up thinking "oh he finally got it! he's coming over!". I sat awake for two hours waiting for him until i realized he wasn't going to show. So i called him.

He was asleep.

I then snapped. Broke up with him then. We've broken up two times before and I've driven over there to do it like a mature adult. But I regressed and did it on the phone and said "i'm not going to waste my gas driving over there again if you won't even give me the courtesy to waste the gas to try and fix it." It was awful of me...but i was so angry

I have to go over there Saturday evening and give him back his 64 and get the money he owes me. Hopefully he'll actually be mature enough to give me that money.

but as Greg Bernhardt says "its called a break up because it's broken"

ivil_livi @ 2008-10-21T14:25:00

2008-10-21T18:39:42Z

You know...i've pretty much taken this as long as I can. Last night I was put in an incredibly awkward situation because the man who says he loves me, stood me up. My grandmother is in town and I wanted him to meet her. He whined saying he didn't feel like being proper and doing family stuff. So i asked him to please do it because I wanted it and he complied. Yesterday, the day he was to meet her, came around...and he didn't show. Didn't call. Didn't show.

I got so pissed my entire evening was ruined. I had to sit through dinner listening to "oh where is your boyfriend? I was excited to meet him!" and me not having an excuse as to why. A month or so back I would've lied for him "oh he's sick" or "he had a family emergency". But yesterday, all I said was "I don't know...". So as everyone left, I called him and woke his ass up...

It was the first time I've screamed at him. Everything I've been feeling about the flaws in our relationship came bubbling through. Apparently, he went to a friends house and didn't take his car with him and his friends wife ran off to do errands and he was stranded there. Piece by piece his story unraveled.

"Well..you woke around noon, she was there right?" "yeah" "why didn't you ask her to take you home then?" "i don't know.."

"Well even if you woke up at noon, you knew you had to be somewhere in four hours. Why didn't you try to get home?" "I lost track of time." "you knew you had to be somewhere that was important to me and you didn't care to watch the clock?" "that's how my brain works. I forget things" "well maybe if you put down the xbox controller you'd be able to remember."

I was brutal. I attacked his actions. He tried to defend them, not apologize to me then just didn't talk anymore. I threw up my hands in defeat and said to him that he can't fight for this relationship when its on the breaking point, then there isn't really a relationship. If the thought of losing me doesn't make him try to apologize and come up with solutions to our problems then I don't mean that much to him.

I'm tired. He's exhausting me. I can't stand that he never thinks of his actions before he does them, that he doesn't go out of his way for me, that he doesn't think of how I feel about situations and just does whatever he wants, that he doesn't put making me happy anywhere on his priority list but on his "i'll get to it when I can" list

A while back he refused to move in with me...I should've stopped it there. Back in my birthday, he didn't do anything for it when I did all this great stuff for his....I should've stopped it there. Yet I kept fighting for this relationship because I love him. And I thought "when things are tough, you don't run from the people you love...you give them a chance." Well, he's out of chances. I can't make anymore excuses for him and the reason why I'm staying in this relationship shouldn't just be "because I love him." it should be "because we love each other". He can say he loves me until he's blue in the face...but if you don't show it, it means nothing.

I'm done with his shit.

ivil_livi @ 2008-10-08T22:15:00

2008-10-09T02:40:14Z

So i'm having a bit of an identity crisis now a days.

I have this one cd in my car that I just started listening to again yesterday. This cd reminds me so much of how I used to be. How, out of everything, my passion for art and my faith in love prevailed over all. The girl who loved Halloween, dressed in black all the time, was fifty pounds lighter, and beautiful. Back then my dreams were graduating college and going to travel all over Europe. I wanted to go to Italy, Greece, Spain....just see all the beauty, history and culture we lack. I thought if I did that, I would love it and never want to come home. And I would meet this wonderful person who would go out of their way for me, someone who would argue with me just to keep me on my toes, someone who would (not only when I wore a low cut top for them) grab me as soon as I walk in the door and push me against a wall just to make out with me. Passion and spontaneity would be the main dish in my daily life.

Yet...I look at myself now, someone who is over a year and a half behind in school, and think about my life. I'm 20. It's time for me to want to change. I turned in my passion for art for a dead end job, my faith in love for a dead end relationship, and my dreams for a never ending school career.

i don't paint anymore for leisure. I don't draw. I don't go to the theater. I turned my back on my own charity art project because I am now the assistant manager at a retail job that I really am starting to dislike.

I was always such a sap. i used to watch romantic comedies and cry and had faith that I would find a love like that one day. Someone who would go out of their way just to see me smile. Now, I have a relationship with someone who doesn't want to start their life with me and move in with me because they are afraid of change, who when asked what their favorite word was, they say "vagina" and when asked what they are most passionate about...they say "playing video games". Someone who spend over a hundred dollars to buy movies for themselves on my birthday and nothing for me, someone who won't fight to keep me...

I gave up my dreams to travel, to do great things because things keep happening one after the other that keep me from going back. I take a semester off of school so i can save up to move out. Then it turns out that my store hours were cut and I can't even afford to move out. So i'm stuck at home and unless a college has online courses I can take, I can't even go to school at all. It feels that no matter how much I try to move forward, there are things that push me four steps back.

I've lost who I was, who I preferred over this life. Yeah, some might say that's growing up...but if growing up causes me to lose my passion and my dreams for a mini-van and a crappy relationship...

I refuse.

ivil_livi @ 2008-09-26T22:47:00

2008-09-27T02:49:03Z

I really wish I knew why I am in a rut....why I'm depressed, down. restless...

it's really bugging me.

ivil_livi @ 2008-09-19T16:56:00

2008-09-19T21:02:18Z

so...on the way to work yesterday i had my brakes fully compressed in my car and my car started to creep forward. I had to take my foot off completely and slam it back down to get it to stop. So i get to work and call my dad. He told me check my brake fluid: half a container. So i get the in the car and pump my brakes like he told me. After two pumps I hear a snap and the brake goes all the way back to the wall. I pump it a few more times and i hear only air. So i get out of my car and look underneath and there was a giant puddle underneath. I checked my brake fluid: now its empty. Turns out my brake lines that run all down the bottom of my car have rusted and rotted away, snapping completely. My car had to be towed...i'm not getting it back until tuesday. Apparently the mechanic has been talking to dad...it hasn't been looking good. My savings and my dad's money are going into fixing this...

i wrote a two page letter in Microsoft word of things I'm pissed off about in pertaining to one aspect of my life. Then i closed the window. I feel much better getting that all out.

crappy day....i feel crappy. But luckily i get to see dad tomorrow.

ivil_livi @ 2008-09-11T12:30:00

2008-09-11T16:29:30Z

ivil_livi @ 2008-09-10T22:18:00

2008-09-11T02:17:19Z

Someone featured me on deviantart!

September-October Feature

Journal Entry: Wed Sep 10, 2008, 11:33 AM

Still kind of behind on the whole "monthly" thing...oops.

But today I bring you a special treat

Olivia! (who's last name I don't know)

I was in a romantic mood the other day, so I went browing about for pictures of couples.
And I found this girl, and she forced me off my lazy butt to give her a feature ^_^
First, The painting that drew me in: Kiss. Art History minor, FTW? Damn straight
So I couldn't help but notice Well you bought me dinner.... Fantastic! Who cares about backgrounds anyway? And the hands ARE perfect, dear. Needless to say, it's beautiful. And we all know god had SOME sort've reference
And even if the evil scanner of DOOM ate the colours, Butterfly Lovin is still utterly fantastic. The concept, and the final piece are both stunning.
And I have a confession. I am in love with modern abstract art. It's true, and that's why I love Kiss Kiss?. Grayscale, also FTW. I truly want this painting hanging in my hallway, I know the exact place. I admit it.
Well, next there's What Boredom Brings. I wish my boredom would bring me talent, I really do. Colour, fashion, form. All together in one. Absolutely perfect!
And finally, a splash of colour. Knock Knock. Who's there?. Oranges. I've never liked still lives of fruit, but I love this one. I loved it more when I realized that Olivia was inspired to paint it because of an event that she associated with the color orange. The life behind the painting always makes it more worth while. So dig deeper into ~ivilivi's gallery, and see what you can find.

In conclusion, the only thing I can say that does this artist justice...is "I really wish you had a scanner Olivia!!!" because I wish I could see what ~ivilivi has come up with more recently.

~Twilite~
thumbs of the art featured in this journal, in order

ivil_livi @ 2008-09-07T22:07:00

2008-09-08T02:07:02Z

i liked this on morgan's journal...and i'm bored.

1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about that a lot and I really haven’t come up with an answer
2. Do you trust all of your friends?
I’m probably one of the most trusting people you will meet.
3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
Yes, when I’m done and school and what not.
4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
I believe things happen because people will them to, not because they are destined.
5. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
I’m not a fan of change.
6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
Carrie probably.
7. What naughty word do you use too often?
Fuck
8. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
yeah….all the time.
9. What's your most favorite scar?
My nose I would say.
10. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
Wow, to Buffalo for Christmas. It’s been long for me.
11. What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex?
Skin and eyes
12. Fill in the blank. I love __________.
spontaneity
13. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
moving out and getting through school

14. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
my family
15. Where was your favorite picture taken?
I don’t have a favorite picture
16. What's your middle name?
Rachel
17. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
Life and how things will turn out if things turn up in a different way.
18. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
Nothing, really. I’m fine the way I am.
19. Who was or will be the maid of honor/best man in your wedding?
I don’t know. I don’t want a wedding.
20. What are you wearing right now?
green tank top and jeans.
21. Ever had a bar fight?
not at all
22. Who knows you the best?
Jim probably
23. Did you buy something today?
food for lunch and a soda.
24. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
Not really.
25. When was the last time you had a massage?
never….
26. Last person to see you cry?
Mom probably
27. Who made you cry?
Jim
28. What was the last TV show you watched?
I just watched a movie…
29. Who was the last person you hung out with?
Sam-Sam or Jim
30. Have you ever taken a peek at someone else's diary?
never

-----------------------------

1. tag 10 ppl (not the one who sent it to you!)
2. answer all truthfully
3. take it in public!
4. tell all tagges on their profile that they have been tagged,
and link to your journal.

here goes nothing....

Info
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.

[ ] I tan easily. ( I burn…)
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[x] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
[ ] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than 2 piercing.
[x] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[x] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[ ] I'm in school
[x] I have a job
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[ ] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[x] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years
[x] I failed more than 1 class last year
[x] I've stolen something from my job
[ ] I've been fired

Embarrassment
[ ] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment (stomach valve is broken, twisted intestines but that’s it)
[x] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[x] I've broken a bone
[x] I've had my tonsils removed.
[x] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[x] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.
[x] I've had measles

Traveling
[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[x] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[x] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing.
[ ] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[ ] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. (not live, no)
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[ ] I'm single
[x] I'm in a relationship
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger

Honesty/Crime
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[x] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[ ] I've consumed alcohol
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed
[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[ ] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I've woken up crying.

Death and Suicide
[ ] I'm afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[ ] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

Random
[x] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily. You ask me a question I'm most likely going to answer it.
[ ] I watch the news.
[x] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[x] I am a morning person.
[x] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[x] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[x] I bake well.
[ ] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[x] I've worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[x] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[ ] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I love white chocolate
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[ ] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names.
[x] I'm good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[x] All of those are answered honestly

----------------------------------------

MOUTHOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Honey mustard

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. fast food? None really. I like this Italian take out place. Does that count?

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. I don’t know.

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 12%?

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. chicken

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. alfredo sauce and chicken with tomatoes

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. I don’t like toast

TECHNOLOGY

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. just some art thing from deviant

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. 3 I think

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Right.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. glass from an accident, tonsils, wisdom teeth?

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. never

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. blimp at work

Q. not at all

BULL[CRAP]OLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. jury is still out on that

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. I like my name.

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. green or purple

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. not that I can recall

Q. Have you ever saved someone's life?
A. not that I know of.

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. nope

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. sure why not?.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. which finger?

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Yes.

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. well circulated magazine or just…one or two issues?

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. makes me gag

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. if I got to pick

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A. nothing

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: not at all

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: carpet and linoleum

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: Stand

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: living alone would be sad

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: two

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: when I got pulled over in…..april

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: anything I want to be

LASTOLOGY

Q: Last Friend you talked to?
A. Andrew

Q: Last person who called u?
A. Danielle

Q: Person you hugged?
A: Sam-Sam

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 13

Q: Season?
A: fall

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A. yeah

Q: Watching?
A. nothing

Q: Worrying about?
A. things

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: the bathroom

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A. start life.

Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A. Baby Mama

Q: Do you smile often?
A: yeah

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: extremely

Q. What's your favorite soup?
A. won-ton

Q. What do you think of your friends on the internet?
A. sometimes

--------------------------------

1. 5 things you do every morning.

* shower
* wake up
* turn off my alarm
* stare at myself and complain
* bathroom

2. 5 things you look forward to each year.

* life
*
*
*
*

3. 5 things you’ve recently watched on TV.

* football
* family guy
* American dad
* Daily show
* Colbert report

4. 5 things you’ve read recently, (they can be online or off.)

* People
* Gaming Magazine
* part of the Kama Sutra
* few chapters in my Buddhism book
* a bit of the news

5. 5 of your favorite restaurants.

* Little Azio
* Olive Garden
* Applebee’s
* Yuan Li
* McAlister’s
------------------------------------

01. What curse word do you use the most?
Fuck
02. Do you own an iPod?
nope
03. What person on your Flist do you talk to the most?
I don’t know
04. What time is your alarm clock set to?
8:30a
05. Do you still remember the first person you kissed?
yeah
06. Do you remember where you were on 9/11/01?
yeah in middle school history
07. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
take it
08. What was the last movie you watched?
Baby Mama
09. Do any of your friends have children?
yeah

10. Has anyone anyone ever called you lazy?
That they have
11. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?
For pain once.
12. What CD is currently in your CD player?
Foo Fighters
13. Do you prefer regular or chocolate?
….in pertaining to?
14. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
yup!
15. When was the last time you had Starbucks?
hahaha every single day I work. Sucks when you get 50% off
17. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Skin, eyes
18. What are you looking forward to?
moving out
19. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
yup
20. A song that is stuck inside your head?
the one I’m listening to?
21. Do you have a job?
Yes
22. What are you gonna do tomorrow when you wake up?
Go to work
23. Do you own any band t-shirts?
Yeah
24. What will you be doing in one hour?
probably watching family guy
25. Is anyone in love with you?
hopefully my boyfriend
26. What was the last song heard?
the one I’m listening to now..”welcome home” by coheed and cambria
27. Last time you cried?
last night watching the house finale
28. Are you on a desktop computer or a lap top?
Desktop
29. Are you currently wanting any piercing or tattoos?
of course
30. What is the weather like?
its nice out, but dark….cause its night.
31. Would you ever date a girl/guy covered in tattoos?
Yes. I think they are really sexy
32. What did you do before this?
watched Baby Mama
33. When is the last time you slept on the floor?
about two weeks ago
34. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
doesn’t matter. I can function on small amounts of sleep
35. Do you eat breakfast daily?
not at all
36. Are your days fast-paced?
some times they really drag on
37. What did you do last night?
watched house, slept
38. Do you use sarcasm?
quite frequently
39. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
21 :p :p
40. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
To an extent
41. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Not in a really really long time.
42. Last book you read?
I can’t even remember. I’ve been trying to find a good book.
43. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite sex?
Both
44. Do you like mustard?
in small doses
45. Do you sleep on your side?
whatever side is closest to the wall, I’m facing it
46. Do you watch the news?
its depressing
47. How did you get one of your scars?
car accident

48. Who was the last person to make you mad / angry?
my manager
49. Do you like anybody?
my boyfriend
50. What is the last thing you purchased?
Lunch.

ivil_livi @ 2008-08-29T17:38:00

2008-08-29T21:39:15Z

I'm single again...as of like...3:40pm

Today during the day I was sad because I knew it was going to happen.

But after I did it, I was sad for like....10 minutes then I felt like this huge weight had been lifted.

I'm happier now.