when i get married...i want to be wearing this...or something like it...

i can't get a loan

I can't find a place to live

I can't find a room mate

My boss just called me a bitch

I just got dumped over text message by someone I REALLY liked...

God damnit, nothing goes right for me

i love my job. I love my job.

I hate some of the people I work with

I go massively out of my way for everything in that store and what do I get in return?

I get made fun of, i get lied to, I get to be under appreciated and I get to be walked all over.

Off the clock I made 50 cupcakes for our twilight party tonight...bought everything myself. No thank you.

I ran around getting prizes and decorations...no thank you.

I worked my ass of setting this all up, advertising it...i get kicked off of working the event because an associate was "going to show up anyways". Then, I'm told by my district manager that I need to go and take pictures and be there...but it ends up i don't get paid for being there.

I was on vacation and I walked up to our shift manager and asked if the special orders for that week had been done and he goes "yeah yeah of course!"...they weren't

We're only allowed to rent out 2 movies (supposed to be 1, my manager didn't like the "2" idea but got used to it)...that same guy took out 4. I told him he could only take out two and he goes "yeah yeah two...whatever..." and walks away

I've told my store manager about this and he just doesn't say nor do anything about any of it

We had a twilight prom theme and the associates were supposed to dress up kinda nice. I wore a pencil skirt, leopard print top, pink shoes and a flower in my hair (kinda pin-upy) and the shift manager walks in and goes "uh...i don't think the vampires wore flowers..." I just looked at him and ignored him

We were struggling for prizes and I got the idea to get the movie of Wuthering Heights which is a book that Bella reads in twilight, that same guy that lied to me before....rolled his eyes and laughed at me. Another associate joined in...

I've put in a note to my district manager asking for a transfer...anywhere. Preferably marietta. So if i get it, I can go to chatt tech and do cosmetology there and live in Kennesaw like I want to.

I'm so annoyed, burnt out and frustrated i just want to move so far away from here (kennesaw is as far as I can get) and just stay away. Tell everyone here to fuck off...especially that store.

You think you make friends and you don't...Samantha from next door turned 21...i thought we were friends, I thought we were kinda close. She went out with a lot of people...i didn't get invited. Her and Chris, another guy from Gamestop that I thought i was kinda close with go out drinking all the time and hang out all the time....they always run to me and tell me about it later and never invite me.

Am I that deplorable? Is it not these other people and is it me?

I wish I knew...

Because if i'm so awful...thats probably why i'm not dating or why I'm still sleeping with my ex instead of finding someone else...

I would like to solve this, please

i'm dropping out of the college i'm in and not going to kennesaw.

Instead i'm going to a technical school (lanier or chattahooche) for cosmetology. Its a great creative outlet and I like fucking around with hair.

Teaching isn't for me. College isn't for me.

Maybe one day, if i get good enough, i'll open my own salon! Make it all retro and what not :p

things i want to do:

-learn italian
-how to make resign bangles, totes and numerous other crafts
-decide whats going on with school
-take some time for myself
-have movie nights again, but do foreign films and classics that I love
-fully transition into vegetarian, rather than sticking to poultry
-eat healthier
-kick my addiction to coffee back into smoothies
-get clothes that I love and fit me and look good on me, not just what's cheap. (15 dollar jeans do not look good on heavy set girls)
-discover that I am fine the way I am

hundreds of dollars in therapy can go suck itself.

NOTHING can make me feel better than completely redoing my hair

three guys...all who went one one or two dates with me...all which don't want to go on another.

One of them even called me batshit crazy last night.

mom gave tabi and dani 25 dollars each to watch eric last week. when they didn't come over they gave both the 50 dollars to me. I went out and I used it to help purchase rock band so eric and I could play with something this week. Mom flipped her shit and I promptly had to write her a check for 50 dollars and i had to take it out of the savings i'm doing for rooming at Kennesaw because i couldn't scrape it for anything else

around christmas, danielle told me I was "average". An average student, person and even implied that I was an average artist....nothing extraordinary. Since then I haven't painted a thing or done any art outside of my sculpture class.

Fuck things that give happiness. they always seem to disappoint.

i got my lip pierced today.

I figured I always wanted it and i have like...what...4 more years to get a professional job? Why not enjoy it until then :p

alot of people are getting married, or having babies....its really weird to see this all happening to people my age. Everyone is growing up

nothing good has happened to me since october...

then there was Jeremy...which promptly ended because of his "emotional unavailability"

i swear to god, if i end up losing my job now for some reason...i will crawl into a hole and never come out.

I swear it